philosophy di alberta ferretti bejeweled belt

SS '09 hottest belt
ah love ferretti.

urgent need of a booty

Over the past few months my family, lovers, and friends have been telling me to gain more weight. They said I look like an unhealthy, anorexic junkie without my old signature 'juicy booty' that they used to pat. *okay, that ain't sound right haha*
anyways, please compare these photos and leave comments. I sure love the size 2 dresses I fit in recently, but I think I kinda need my booty back.

47.5 kg me. i look somehow like a 25 year-old

58 kg me. i look absolutely 18 with those chubby cheeks.

hmm..2 more kilo's maybe?

#1 lesson for the 20's club newbie

I've always loved the idea of giving.
The happy expression on the receiver's face is mainly the reason.
There's an unexplainable joy I feel whenever
I succeed making others happy by what I give, do, or say.
I think it's natural.

However, I do realize that it's also natural for us to expect others to treat us just as 'good' as we have treated them.
After all, we are only human.
We want to take, instead of giving most of the times.
And that's where we all start to demand our 'right'.
That's where we all say 'hey, how could you...I did this and that to you'
Oh well. We are only human. We're all immature.

4 days ago was a special day for me. As what I've always done in the past few years, I started
by praying.Then at 00.00, I would take a deep breath, smile, and say to myself 'here we go, another new round of life'. And that's usually when the phones start to ring, or sometimes, a few people would come to wish me a Happy Birthday in person.

Most importantly in this case, that's when my automatic 'Do-You-Care-about-Me' barometer is switched on. haha. oh it is natural, admit it, yours do too.

I've always managed to let others know that I care about them, esp. on their birthday.
Arranging unforgettable surprise parties if possible, making videos, simply calling them, or even buying presents just to make them feel special.
Not because I have too much money, in fact I don't. I just love to give.

But then again, that human aspect of all of us make all of us think and respond to it differently.

I guess the first lesson I learned in my 20th year of age :
The highest expression of love is to give without expecting

May I learn to give even more, and to expect even less.

I appreciate each one of your wishes. even the ones with just 4 words in my fb wall :)

R, J, and R, you guys made my day. Thank You.
and Mrs. F, your present is exactly what I've been praying for, Thank You.

it's long, i know. just read a long ;)

i remember back when i turned 10.
i made quite a big deal of it cause i thought, "wow, I'll have a two-digit age!"
i was in year 5 at that time, chubby, long straight hair, and dark skinned.
very shy. very sweet. and very quiet.

my early 'two-digits' years turned out to be very tough.
i was an 'emo', shy, and just very cold-hearted girl. too proud to show my feelings.
too shy to let it all out. too afraid to make mistakes.
my mom even got me into a modeling school, so i could be more 'out going'.
i got into the agency, did only one fashion show and some castings, then quit coz i couldn't stand how they kept telling me to lose more weight when i've already lost quite a lot.

at the age of 17, I thankfully got a chance to work as a copywriter for a publishing company.
while girls my age were wearing 'Baju SMA', i was wearing heels, going to meetings with people twice my age, and all that. It was tough, I was 'forced' to be mature.

it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows.
so many struggles i've been through. i spent many nights not knowing what to do, feeling lost, and just wondering when is my struggle going to end.

but one thing I realize:
in order to survive, you have to grow
and in order to grow, you have to struggle

now, at 5 hours away from turning 20
i can say i'm quite content.
not because i'm certain about all things, coz i'm not.
not because i have everything i want, coz i don't.

but because i can feel it so strongly in my heart,
in my veins, and even in my bones
that i was born for something great. something different. something far beyond my expectation.
and i'm gonna get there
cause He who is in me is greater that he who is in the world
He will never forsake me. and I will never have to be afraid.

bring it on, life. I was born ready.

thx for all of your companies, prayers, chit chats, laughters, and even the tears.
may you all feel the same joy i'm feeling. i love you all :)

'let's stop. i just don't want it anymore'

those 10 simple words suddenly turned roses into jasmines.
if only you could see it the way i do, mr.
i never want to feel it again.
it sucks and it stays. even days after.

and all you could say was 'oops. okay, i won't do it again. happy?'
'please try to understand. i'm too busy for this. talking about this bores me'

i don't know what to say , mr. just. do whatever you want.

stop whatever you do & think about this.

everyone speaks about freedom like they know what it really is
we all say no to restrictions and law
but can we really handle freedom?

who are you when nobody's around?

are you really free?

dumspter diving? i'm in.

"Don't you know what it means to be crazy?
Anyone who lives in her own world is crazy.
Including Einstein,Colombus, Edmund Hillary, and the Beatles.

I want to continue being crazy, living my life the way I dream it, and not the way other people want it to be.

People beyond these walls, they think they're normal because they all do the same thing."

- Zedka, a 35 year-old Slovenian woman who lived in a mental institution in Veronika Decides to Die

***

this 'mad' woman made a lot of sense to me.
and for that sake, I want to keep being crazy.