Saturday, January 24, 2009

valium can't cure this

these past few weeks, I've been bombarded with words and actions
that pull my self-esteem to nearly its lowest point.
at the 3rd week of the new year, I can't believe I've spent so many nights crying.

call me a drama queen
but life is driving me insane lately.

I am not tough enough to hold my tears
these days, I admit.

That ever-haunting feeling of 'never been good enough'
Seems to be creeping inside of my veins
Corrupting my organs, tissues, and cells
Blinding me from the daylight.

valium can't cure this.
absinthe can't numb this.

staying positive and keeping my faith would probably do. *sigh*

Friday, January 23, 2009


i missed sydney this morning.
and the never-ending laughter with the ganjas.
vera. jane. risty. wyna. chacha. debs. cella.forever this moment lives in our hearts.

Jan - Oct 2008

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Labels & Masks

To label me a prodigal would be only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be”
- Rush of Fools

They say ‘the way we present ourselves
Determines how people would perceive us’
In conjunction to that, how people perceive us
Determines most things in our life:
Relationships, carrier, and even our future

From how we present ourselves,
People label us
From that label,
They generate ways to treat us

If people don’t like the way we present ourselves
Is it our fault?

Would they prefer us to present ourselves the way they like it
Which is not necessarily authentic and could be superficial
In order to look 'acceptable'

Or would they prefer us to present ourselves as it is
Not as it could be
As they expect it to be
Or as it should be

Would we then be labeled ‘good enough’ and get chances to excel?

If everything is determined by masks that I should put on.

I don’t think I could cope up.

Friday, January 9, 2009

meet moza

i have opened a new fb especially made to keep in touch with people who really matter to me

meet Moza Denina

if you think you know me. message me ok.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

so long, facebook

'akhirnya..waktu membuktikan, cucuku yang katanya binal..
debora..anaknya chris dan yoty yang katanya steril..kelakuannya liar dan tersebar di internet'

sebuah penghinaan yang menusuk tajam hati gw.

hari ini.. orang tua gw cuma bisa diem
nerima penghinaan orang laen
yang adalah keluarga besarnya sendiri.

gw udah ga tau mesti ngmg apa.

gw emang pernah
nakal ato apalah kata lo.

terserah. gw ga tau mesti block sapa aja. karena orang2 yg tak disangka pun stalk gwe.

mulai hari ini. debora christy manusama sudah dihapus. thx

what i learned today

find out what you're good at
and do it like nobody else does it

do not hasten to throw up the bitter
for it might be an antidote
do not hasten to swallow the sweet
for it might be a poison

Monday, January 5, 2009

waiting room.

oh how much do we all hate it, when someone says 'please wait here for a moment'
waiting rooms are usually made of four surrounding walls
with a few chairs and nothing else

probably a water dispenser and a tv
but the most important thing in the waiting room
is the clock. that reminds u and tells u
how long have u been waiting.

regardless of what the clock is telling us
we have to let others come first
embrace that unpleasant vibe of being 'left hanging uncertainly'
wait patiently though we might have an urgent need
and let the waiting takes our time and energy

on the 6th day of the year
it's the room where I'm at.

all i want is to hear my name called.

breaking the spell of the typical