it's long, i know. just read a long ;)

i remember back when i turned 10.
i made quite a big deal of it cause i thought, "wow, I'll have a two-digit age!"
i was in year 5 at that time, chubby, long straight hair, and dark skinned.
very shy. very sweet. and very quiet.

my early 'two-digits' years turned out to be very tough.
i was an 'emo', shy, and just very cold-hearted girl. too proud to show my feelings.
too shy to let it all out. too afraid to make mistakes.
my mom even got me into a modeling school, so i could be more 'out going'.
i got into the agency, did only one fashion show and some castings, then quit coz i couldn't stand how they kept telling me to lose more weight when i've already lost quite a lot.

at the age of 17, I thankfully got a chance to work as a copywriter for a publishing company.
while girls my age were wearing 'Baju SMA', i was wearing heels, going to meetings with people twice my age, and all that. It was tough, I was 'forced' to be mature.

it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows.
so many struggles i've been through. i spent many nights not knowing what to do, feeling lost, and just wondering when is my struggle going to end.

but one thing I realize:
in order to survive, you have to grow
and in order to grow, you have to struggle

now, at 5 hours away from turning 20
i can say i'm quite content.
not because i'm certain about all things, coz i'm not.
not because i have everything i want, coz i don't.

but because i can feel it so strongly in my heart,
in my veins, and even in my bones
that i was born for something great. something different. something far beyond my expectation.
and i'm gonna get there
cause He who is in me is greater that he who is in the world
He will never forsake me. and I will never have to be afraid.

bring it on, life. I was born ready.

thx for all of your companies, prayers, chit chats, laughters, and even the tears.
may you all feel the same joy i'm feeling. i love you all :)