..

mood swing causes
self-destruction.

be careful.

the one thing you're trying to hold, would be the one thing you've got to let go.

this is why you should vote me the woman of the year

MAAF gw harus tulis pake bahasa indonesia!

I just had the most embarrassing moment of the year.

Jadi tadi seharian gw lagii mood swing yg berunjung gw sakit, masuk angin dan badan anget.
Kurang bisa berpikir straight, gw cuma mo tidur. Setelah minum panadol, gw bobo selama 3 jam.

Jam 10 malem gw bangun, karena inget, ada kerjaan yg belom kelar. Gw pun aus, dan berasa badan gw panas banget. *plus uring2an menunggu kabar dia*

Buru2 dong gw keluar kamar nih ya. Nyampe2 luar kamar,mata sembab, ada kaka2nya cowonya sepupu gw, duduk nonton tv.

pakaian gw minim (baca: gak pake bawahan).
Gw yang lagi lemes, dan pusing, ga tau mesti ngapain.
Gw ga siap banget ketemu tamu. Gw pun ga nyangka orang2 rumah masih pada bangun.
Gw suka banget tidur dengan pakaian minim.

Bisa kebayang muka gw kyk apa?
Dengan bodohnya gw bilang, 'eh maaf, ga pake cel...'
dan langsung lari ke kamar, ganti baju.

gw tetep ambil minum, dan bikin susu. malu2 tapi gw tetep aus kan.

sebelom pulang, salah satu dari mereka bilang,
'eh, laen kali kalo gw mo dateng, gw pasti bilang kog.hehe'

gila malu banget gw. pengen loncat keluar jendela sekarang.

kenapa gw tulis disini? karena gw tidak keberatan menertawakan kebodohan gw :)

Between Socrates, Marriage, and Kids

Lunch time, Jl. Sunda, my assistant editor (BS), reporter (WH), editorial secretary (SP), some interns (EL), and me (MZ).

One of us (SP) has just gotten married, so the others curiously asked, "How is it? Is marriage life that much different?"
And all she said was, "mm, yeah..I now have someone to go home to, you know"

Which then started our lunch time girl-talk that went pretty much like this :

WH : I don't want to get married. I mean, I want to have kids, but I don't want to have to deal with men in my older years.
BS : What do you mean? So, are you just going to adopt a kid and live alone?
WH : No, I want to have kids from someone I love, but I don't want to deal with all of the emotional conflicts of marriage, especially the cheating and mid-life crisis.
EL : But it's natural for a man to have great sexual desire. And they don't need to be in love to have sex. So he can still love you, though he sleeps with another woman.
BS : Yes, which is why I'm telling my boyfriend that if we get married one day, he can sleep with another woman, as long as he's not emotionally attached to her.

I frowned, thinking 'what kind of ideology is that? letting your husband sleep with another woman as long as he still 'loves' you? how can he love you if he can't even keep his di*k?'

she then continued..

BS : i prefer my husband to love me, but sleeping with another woman, than sleeping with me, but in love with another woman, cause it's 'mind-fucking'.


(Bradley Cooper looking & Scarlett Johansson's thighs in the movie He's Just Not That Into You)

WH : NO WAY, it's still intolerable.
MZ : Yeah, I would never tolerate that, ever in my life. Gosh, that'd be painful. Imagine your husband come home to you one day and tell you 'Sorry honey, I slept with another woman'. Would you be just like 'okay, as long as you don't have feelings for her' ?

BS : well, when I told my boyfriend, he said 'Nah, I wouldn't do that', cause he appreciates the fact that I allow him to do it.

MZ, WH, SP : right....

WH : Things can change...
MZ : yeah, that's why..

*awkward silence. everyone suddenly thought about what they want in life*

EL : well, anywayyyyyys...I still want to have kids

ALL : yeah me too... *sigh*

the chattering continued to the discussions about Kids, Socrates, and different religious beliefs (I know, we sound like some boring media chicks, haha)

Again, today, I learned how different people view crucial things in life from totally different angles.

What about you? Would you tolerate the classic 'boys will be boys' excuse? Or do you believe in a true love with uncompromising commitment and loyalty?

some in their 20's

sorry for being so unproductive with this blog yet again. I've been really busy juggling my 4 jobs.

yes. 4.

I feel like I'm always working now, not that I hate it. I love working.
And it's totally amazing to just learn how to be emotionally balanced and descrete. yet still maintaining a good relationship with people you treasure, even the ones who did you wrong. *forgiveness 101 right there man*

Anyways, I was very shocked to find out that 2 of my relatives are getting married soon. and they're like 20 & 22 years old. can you believe it?

i just find it hard to digest the fact that someone my age is actually getting married, not because of pregnancy, but "love". gosh. what about your uni, career, and dreams? and they're getting married to guys they've only been dating for like 6 months or so.

it's not because my love life wasn't so smooth okay, haha, i'm not traumatized or bittered. but, this just creeps me out. i mean, you don't know a person just by being with him for 6 months. it's a day-to-day learning process. there's always something new to discover and to consider about in a person. I just don't get how they could jump into the conclusion of 'yes, this is the guy i wanna spend my life with' in such a short time.

But hey, whatever works for everyone right? I wish you girls all the best in life :)


my idea of the ultimate 20's life - yes, it's always media-related :P


On the other side of the world,

I was having coffee with this Spanish girl from Melbourne today. and she was telling me about how she's planning to go to Bolivia, Africa, and just about every corners of the world, to teach english for charity. And I was just so amazed of how this early-20 girl could have such a selfless and adventurous spirit.

Don't you think this is interesting?

Oh, I'm so googling some overseas internships, man. *why am I keep saying 'man' ?*

*but sure I have to remember that I have a 7 year-old to tutor every week, two magazines to edit every month, and a radio to supervise every 2 months. and a whole country to rule. haha. oh well.

some immature crap. *hey i'm human*

a beach party i've been planning to go to since 2 months ago - sudden bad mood, canceled
a getaway daytrip to bandung - i was late, canceled
the last minute hangout i've always had with my peeps - no one was available

so this is how it feels to stay at home on a saturday night.
being not in the mood of socializing
with people you're not really comfortable with.
while people you're comfortable with, are out, somewhere, doing their own things.

a bottle of vodka, some sleeping pills, warm blanket, and probably a hug, please?

no marshanda, i don't wanna end up like you. i'm like, okay.

ex-child star gone wild

poor girl. been an actress since she was like 8. give her a break people. haha

go marshanda. curse them all you like

Avril Lavigne 'Ex-Boyfriend' Cover - dedicated to her ex, Ben


Spice Girl 'Who Do You Think You Are' - dedicated to her SD friends

in need of earplugs.

'you're an Australian graduate! you should be making more money than this!'
'you're a beginner. you shouldn't be so demanding'
'why bother editing their writings to make them look good if they don't pay you on time?'
'work and survive here a year, you could work at any magazine you like'
'you should do what you love'

***

there are so many voices around us.
the inevitable noises that would
confuse and trick us
telling us to fight
telling us to quit
telling us to change direction
telling us we're right
telling us we're wrong

the only thing left to do now is to stand on your ground
and keep doing what makes you feel alive.
regardless.

"I'm 32, Mr. Dunn, if I was thinking straight, I'd go back home, find a used trailer, buy a deep fryer and some oreos. The problem is, boxing is the only thing I ever felt good doing. That enough truth to suit you?"

(From the movie 'Million Dollar Baby', when Maggie Fitzgerald the woman boxer was asked, are u out of your mind?)