this feels good.

the poem. my internet was down, so I called henry to help me re-type it and sent it to my editor. haha..
it's all good.

grab an issue will ya!

wish we've Met

The Metropolitan Museum Of Art annual Costume Institute gala, known as 'the Met'
Hosted by Anna Wintour two weeks ago (May 4,2009) in NYC.
This year's theme : Tribute to Model as Muse.

I wonder how it feels to be sent to NY for 3 days to cover this event and got paid $4/word. Ahh..

anyways, among the attendees were...


Kate Hudson, Stella McCartney, Liv Tyler, Kate Bosworth (all in Stella McCartney)


Yes, it's Leighton "Blair" Meester in Louis Vuitton


Ashley Olsen in "The Row" (her own line)


Anna Wintour (editor-in-chief of Vogue US) in Chanel Haute Couture


Marc Jacobs and Kate Moss in Marc Jacobs, Moss wore Yves Saint Laurent pumps


Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake (I didn't recognize him in those glasses)
JB in Versace Atelier.

thirsty people

we are all empty human, seeking for attention.
whether you realize it or not. you are constantly trying to draw others' attention
by what you wear, how you behave, your facebook status, even the way you laugh.

this everhaunting thirst of attention is constantly striving
to manifest itself in different ways
according to our circumstances, because of course,
it is our circumstance that our thirst is trying to appeal.

this is probably one of the first things you know by instinct from birth.
your mom didn't teach you to cry out loud to get her to change your diapers when you were a baby, right? you somehow knew, even as a little human, that you need to do something to get
your circumstance to notice you and fulfill your need.

the older you get, the more "creative" your way of seeking attention gets.

using blackberry when you're just 12 years old maybe, pretending to be a heavy smoker when you could barely stand the smell of tobacco, having eating disorders, constantly nagging your partner, having a dramatized emotional meltdown as though you were Martha Stewart or Britney Spears when you know your life is not that bad at all.

we are thirsty people.

desperate to be noticed, looked in the eye, and desired.
so fragile, so vulnerable.

pretenders.

we are thirsty people.
we need to wake up. and realize that nothing and no one
will be able to completely satisfy that crave for attention
that we all carry as a big neon sign on our foreheads.

philosophy di alberta ferretti bejeweled belt

SS '09 hottest belt
ah love ferretti.

urgent need of a booty

Over the past few months my family, lovers, and friends have been telling me to gain more weight. They said I look like an unhealthy, anorexic junkie without my old signature 'juicy booty' that they used to pat. *okay, that ain't sound right haha*
anyways, please compare these photos and leave comments. I sure love the size 2 dresses I fit in recently, but I think I kinda need my booty back.

47.5 kg me. i look somehow like a 25 year-old

58 kg me. i look absolutely 18 with those chubby cheeks.

hmm..2 more kilo's maybe?

#1 lesson for the 20's club newbie

I've always loved the idea of giving.
The happy expression on the receiver's face is mainly the reason.
There's an unexplainable joy I feel whenever
I succeed making others happy by what I give, do, or say.
I think it's natural.

However, I do realize that it's also natural for us to expect others to treat us just as 'good' as we have treated them.
After all, we are only human.
We want to take, instead of giving most of the times.
And that's where we all start to demand our 'right'.
That's where we all say 'hey, how could you...I did this and that to you'
Oh well. We are only human. We're all immature.

4 days ago was a special day for me. As what I've always done in the past few years, I started
by praying.Then at 00.00, I would take a deep breath, smile, and say to myself 'here we go, another new round of life'. And that's usually when the phones start to ring, or sometimes, a few people would come to wish me a Happy Birthday in person.

Most importantly in this case, that's when my automatic 'Do-You-Care-about-Me' barometer is switched on. haha. oh it is natural, admit it, yours do too.

I've always managed to let others know that I care about them, esp. on their birthday.
Arranging unforgettable surprise parties if possible, making videos, simply calling them, or even buying presents just to make them feel special.
Not because I have too much money, in fact I don't. I just love to give.

But then again, that human aspect of all of us make all of us think and respond to it differently.

I guess the first lesson I learned in my 20th year of age :
The highest expression of love is to give without expecting

May I learn to give even more, and to expect even less.

I appreciate each one of your wishes. even the ones with just 4 words in my fb wall :)

R, J, and R, you guys made my day. Thank You.
and Mrs. F, your present is exactly what I've been praying for, Thank You.

it's long, i know. just read a long ;)

i remember back when i turned 10.
i made quite a big deal of it cause i thought, "wow, I'll have a two-digit age!"
i was in year 5 at that time, chubby, long straight hair, and dark skinned.
very shy. very sweet. and very quiet.

my early 'two-digits' years turned out to be very tough.
i was an 'emo', shy, and just very cold-hearted girl. too proud to show my feelings.
too shy to let it all out. too afraid to make mistakes.
my mom even got me into a modeling school, so i could be more 'out going'.
i got into the agency, did only one fashion show and some castings, then quit coz i couldn't stand how they kept telling me to lose more weight when i've already lost quite a lot.

at the age of 17, I thankfully got a chance to work as a copywriter for a publishing company.
while girls my age were wearing 'Baju SMA', i was wearing heels, going to meetings with people twice my age, and all that. It was tough, I was 'forced' to be mature.

it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows.
so many struggles i've been through. i spent many nights not knowing what to do, feeling lost, and just wondering when is my struggle going to end.

but one thing I realize:
in order to survive, you have to grow
and in order to grow, you have to struggle

now, at 5 hours away from turning 20
i can say i'm quite content.
not because i'm certain about all things, coz i'm not.
not because i have everything i want, coz i don't.

but because i can feel it so strongly in my heart,
in my veins, and even in my bones
that i was born for something great. something different. something far beyond my expectation.
and i'm gonna get there
cause He who is in me is greater that he who is in the world
He will never forsake me. and I will never have to be afraid.

bring it on, life. I was born ready.

thx for all of your companies, prayers, chit chats, laughters, and even the tears.
may you all feel the same joy i'm feeling. i love you all :)

'let's stop. i just don't want it anymore'

those 10 simple words suddenly turned roses into jasmines.
if only you could see it the way i do, mr.
i never want to feel it again.
it sucks and it stays. even days after.

and all you could say was 'oops. okay, i won't do it again. happy?'
'please try to understand. i'm too busy for this. talking about this bores me'

i don't know what to say , mr. just. do whatever you want.

stop whatever you do & think about this.

everyone speaks about freedom like they know what it really is
we all say no to restrictions and law
but can we really handle freedom?

who are you when nobody's around?

are you really free?

dumspter diving? i'm in.

"Don't you know what it means to be crazy?
Anyone who lives in her own world is crazy.
Including Einstein,Colombus, Edmund Hillary, and the Beatles.

I want to continue being crazy, living my life the way I dream it, and not the way other people want it to be.

People beyond these walls, they think they're normal because they all do the same thing."

- Zedka, a 35 year-old Slovenian woman who lived in a mental institution in Veronika Decides to Die

***

this 'mad' woman made a lot of sense to me.
and for that sake, I want to keep being crazy.