mo.za.rell.a.

the curtain call

2009-11-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

FINALLY! blogspot is on again. gosh, I was so pissed when I found out that the government blocked this site.

anyways, I am moving on to the next phase of my life.

after spending a year back in jakarta, I realize that I've been clinging too much on the habits and way of thinking that I used to posses as a 19 year-old student in Sydney.

I'm 20, a diploma graduate with stacks of dreams to fulfill, who's running out of time.

all of those memories of fun life that was far from responsibility are great, but I have to shake them off and get real.

to mark this resolution, I announce my new blog

as the new platform to express my thoughts and opinions, with a simpler style.

thanks for hitting this blog for more than 2000 times in just a few months! I am flattered.

now, spread the word will ya? link it to your website,blog, fb, twitter, and any other social addictions you're into. i'm looking for your comments, and your friends and their friends' too.

do come back here and check the archives every once in a while if you want ;)

cheers.

the 'trying so hard'-ers at 365

2009-11-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

4th of November 2009, 'Facehunter' party at 365 Ecobar, Kemang.

so basically this infamous photographer/blogger came to Jakarta for 3 days. he's known for the street style photographs he took all over the world (like the Sartorialist). knowing this, tons of people came to the party to meet him, and of course, to get photographed by him.

the party was literally boiling. people dressed their best, to impress yvan. some even pulled him, talked to him like they've known him forever, and danced with him like they would sleep with him.

poor yvan rodic, he was like squeezed and touched by girls dying to be his model.
the girl behind, in white, on the table? behind her, there was another girl. who was wearing a long black tutu, looking like Rob Zombie's bride. with her red lips, she was banging her hands on the wall, trying to look like she was so into the beat. and of course, yvan took a picture of her.

do you really have to embarrass yourself and look very odd for people to notice you?

being the 'cool & don't-want-to-look-like-i-want-to-be-photographed' girl,
I finally got out of my box and said hi to him. he photographed my face, with his camera only 5 cm away from me. it must be one sweaty picture of mine. with my pores all over. haha. whatev.
at least, I learned how to do some 'networking' and talk to famous people without being too perky. coz it's really not my style, seriously.

I prefer Alexa Chung's poise rather than Miley Cyrus' over-bubbly-ness.

Five Day Southeast Asian Getaway

2009-11-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

they meant 'finger-lickin' good. this somehow sounds kinky to me.

jalan Alor fritters. so you fry them yourselves (with over-used cooking oil) and dip them in the sauce.

RM 1 - RM 4 per stick. I was having oyster.

buking bintang intersection. the city of KL has all the advanced facilities, but poor sense of belonging

wat-arum. wat means temple. arum means light. a truly ancient Thai masterpiece

my little heaven of croco bags in Bangkok. got the cheapest one with only 200 Bhat (Rp 60,000)

al-cazar cabaret show. yea..they're all transgenders. some of them look like manohara, dewi sandra, and titi kamal. the operation only costs US$ 1,600-ish.

let's do another round, girls. can't wait for the next trip.

featured in ABC's Rantang

2009-11-01T00:04:00.001-07:00

check this out y'all, my dear friend Karina wrote a piece about my view of Indo & Aussy media in ABC's Indonesian students blog called Rantang.

without any intention of being such a media know-it-all, I'm just pouring my brain out. So, please read and comment :)

humane.

2009-10-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

the way you treat a creation reflects the way you feel about the creator.

those who treat others as objects and commodities say something about themselves.
it shows how their soul is corrupted enough for them to treat other human as less than human.

I'm not just talking about some particular religious groups that initiate war everywhere
Or those who do child-trafficking and run houses of prostitution
Or the regular customers of brothels
And the corrupters who take advantage of our taxes

I'm talking about us, with all of our everyday behaviour that disrespects others. by any means.
be it sexually, emotionally, physically, or mentally.

may we all see human as human, as fellow image-bearer, no matter who they are, today.

--credits to Rob Bell whose writing struck me with this thought this morning

they said such event would never take place here

2009-10-14T09:03:00.001-07:00

after spending years trying to get rid of 'the city of religious war' image, my beloved city of Ambon has finally got something to be proud of : an international jazz event

in spite of the very bad coordination of the committee members, the event was still something to be happy about, especially because there, the Moslems and Christians united as one to celebrate our musical roots together on October 9-11, 2009.

when it comes to music, Ambonese worship the african american. we dig from hip-hop, r&b, soul, blues, to jazz. It's only in Ambon where you can find public kiosk (warung) playing Akon's hits, public buses playing Saykoji's chart-toppers, and old folks playing jazzy trombone tunes on funerals.

and don't even get me started on the way they dance. they know how to work it on the floor, no matter what age, gender, or social class they're of.

I hope the artists who were affected by the committee's unprofessionalities would still want to come to Ambon next year.

in the mean time, here are some of the pics!

mc-ing with Eqy - one of the local radio dj's

one of my favourite performances : Sould ID - they started with Will Smith's "Party Starter", wicked!

jay-dee seriously danced in a leopard print halter-neck dress and boots during her 7-month pregnancy!

titi sjuman & aksan sjuman's band. I am officially a fan!

Can she get any cooler? gosh. a female drummer, a film scorer, an actress, a mother.

yes, she acted on Mereka Bilang Saya Monyet the movie. check out her songs, 'When You smile' and 'Kerongcong sampai Mati'

you've probably read it in my tweets, I really like Ignatius 'Igor Saykoji' Penyami as an artist.
he's one of the very few I-don't-even-feel-like-I'm-famous Indonesian celebrities. unlike Pasto *blah!

and of course, the beautiful beach yea

i watch too much discovery travel & living lately

2009-10-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

cocoa powder, sugar, all purpose flour, baking powder, vanilla esence, salt, peanut butter.

don't forget the eggs.

this smells heavenly.

my peanut butter & chocolate cupcakes with buttery vanilla icing.

orgasmic.

the most common case ever.

2009-10-07T23:32:00.000-07:00

i've been getting late night calls, sms, emails, direct messages, etc from people who are going through hard times in their love life. and some of them have the most extreme cases ever!

that's what we all do right? break up, swear we'd never love again. endless nights of chocolates, ice creams, girl talks, getting wasted. then a zillion month later, find someone new, try not to get in too deep, but then, we're trapped, we let our guards down, then it won't be long till we fall straight back to hell again.

but that's just how it goes

the minute you let your guards down and give your all to a person

you are giving them power to break your heart, yet trusting them not to

very risky, very dangerous, and that's why we're all drawn to it.

we like the thrill of risking everything we have for something we're not sure of.

we like to take chances,right?

of course, we're young.

but some people, like me 2 years ago, choose to numb their hearts

they'd go on dates, do what lovers do and and all that,

without actually being in love

when they laugh at your jokes, or say 'i had a great time with you today'

they never really mean it

they'll keep you guessing, keep you hanging.

it's fun. it's much safer.

but somewhere in their hearts, they know they're missing something, still.

the point is, just embrace everything that's been happening in your love life, peeps.

it's all natural. the good and the bad.

don't give up, unless you're planning on being gay.

wait, even gay couples have problems. they cheat and all that too :P

oh well.

ps: group hug to my friends in Boston and Singapore. you guys can make it. cheer up :) don't get too mellow

shocking soda

2009-10-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

if someone who has been perceived by the world as a better person than you, finally getting caught doing something really bad.

would you:
a. tell the world "see??!! I told you! i'm not the bad one, this person is!"
b. be there for the person, because the person is scared and lonely right now
c. do nothing?

feel free to comment

elevator buttons

2009-09-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

people who are close to us are like elevator buttons

some can only bring us down, and some can only take us up.

make sure you press the right button today,
and even better, be the right button.

as for me, I don't want to go anywhere but up.

so, shall we?

leibovitz' classic.

2009-09-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

i know, you've probably seen this spread. it's quite old, but i just felt like posting it.

the talented Anna Leibovitz did this film noir-like fashion spread for Vanity Fair back in 2007.

can you spot the actors in it? can you tell the plot?

some from spiderman, rocky balboa, fantastic 4, dreamgirls, bandidas, whisper.

amen to this

2009-09-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

"People laugh because I am different. I laugh because they all are the same." (Ian Vail)

about the one with dunhill, latte, and brown wool jackets

2009-09-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

he was one of those lecturers you would hate for the first time. but remember your whole life.
he would likely to challenge your thought, criticize it, question it, and push you to defend it.

he wouldn't care about your bad english
he'd know that you just need to be pushed
he wouldn't care about your asian background
he'd know that you have a lot to say, but you're just too scared to stand up for yourself

his rotten body didn't stop him from smoking
and having coffee at bella ciao in every break time.
we all used to think that he was on drugs
because of the peculiar gestures he used to make

i personally thought he looked like 'hunchback from Notre Dame' *no offense, sir*

his class was not the funnest class to be in.
it was Communication Skills.
yes, it forced us to get out of our comfort zone
come up with our own ideas, do research, and argue about it.

I personally think my encounter with him for 4 semesters was life-changing.

i remember coming to him on my final presentation day to tell him how confused I was
with my future, and of whether I should go to Melbourne to RMIT, stay in Sydney and got to UTS, or go back to Jakarta to continue my Bachelor's degree. or should I just work.

he calmly advised, 'as long as you love what you do. pursue it. it doesn't matter what uni you go to. if your parents want you to go back, then go back. communication studies in any uni would be the same. don't worry too much. you'll be alright', with his laidback australian accent.

the last time I saw him.

it was not the first time he told me that. he had always encouraged me to follow whatever works for me, and not to get pressurized by what others do.

you were a true mentor, sir. the one who stretched our way of thinking and our skills. the one who encouraged us to be ourselves.

Rest In Peace, Mike Whittle.

a start.

2009-09-13T05:43:00.000-07:00

credits to the author of salvation. the one who believes in me. the one who enables me. my solid rock.

way before deadlines and previews

2009-09-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to blog about Roberto Cavalli's A/W 2009 Preview this afternoon at Pacific Place but,
a). i didn't take any pics, so all you faithful readers won't have any idea of how it went
b). it was just a preview, so what more can i discuss here? you know Cavalli, each season has mostly been about colors, animal prints, maxi dresses.

I was overwhelmed by the whole vibe of the room, though. Photographers, models, fashion editors, and of course the socialites. I seriously didn't know what to do, cause I was invited just to attend it, not to cover the event. So, yeah, it was quite blurry. But I'm so glad that I got the chance to attend such event and be cool for an hour. hahahaha.

*i know, call me lame, it's okay* coz more related postings are coming soon. stay with me ;)

while resting my tired heels at home
I began to reminisce about how it all used to be, a year back.

everlasting tobacco
tons of fellow rebels (a.k.a the ganjas)
uni stuff on the weekdays, getting wasted on the weekend
leather jackets, shorts, ripped tights, and oversized t-shirts

those days seem to be just so far away.
*somehow I seem to be more poised these days...at least until I start talking haha!*

and, i just miss them.

and everyone say 'aaw..'

japanese food was my life. look at those chubby cheeks.

central station. my daily route. *yes, leather jacket and jeans were my only outfit. aha*

the happy place. *you'll see why*

yes. we obeyed mr. marley.

unleashing the inner alay-ness.

the house of thousand memories.

i worked here as a waiter, for 3 days (it's eternity in my book)

easter show. yea, the ghost ride.

moments before the security came, sex pistols studio mock at MCA.

and of course. the last teary karaoke night before going home for good.

time flies huh? these pics always got me giggling.

everything's different now. and i have to move on to the next phase of life. i'm excited, i'm thrilled, i'm nervous, i'm clueless
but i'm positive that it's all gonna be great, and i'm gonna be just fine.

good night everyone. got some work to do tomorrow :)

the only issue that matters

2009-09-08T07:58:00.000-07:00

Peek into the making of Vogue September 2007 Issue in
The September Issue (premiered on August 28,2009 in theaters across U.S)
Where cameras go around NYC to follow the legendary fashion guru, Anna Wintour.

Cause you know what they say, September is the January in Fashion.

just happened.

2009-09-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

My favourite art piece at Bazaar Art Jakarta
Aug 28-30, 2009
Ritz-Carlton Pacific Place

my editor invited me to come. it's open for public btw. got approached by an art exhibition project manager while I was looking at artworks of Totok Buchori. she gave her card and asked me to translate some arts and gallery stuff. think I should email her soon :)
*I know, I should've brought a camera and a business card, damn it*

'Drew' Acoustic Performance, Blowfish.

I only came coz it's free. blowfish was packed with sweaty oriental-looking barbie-wannabe's.
the usual friday nite r&b tunes were played after Drew's performance.
a nice one-hour express niteout on Ramadhan, afterall.

will be posting about a fall preview soon ;)

to the malingsial.

2009-09-03T08:41:00.000-07:00

I met this guy last month at my church' gathering. He's really down to earth and very passionate about his music. Igor 'Saykoji' Penyami is really creative. Unfortunately, his works have been stolen by ehm...some artists from the neighbouring country. So this is how he gets back at them. Check this out y'all, and support Indonesia. Go Igor !

..

2009-08-29T10:08:00.000-07:00

mood swing causes
self-destruction.

be careful.

the one thing you're trying to hold, would be the one thing you've got to let go.

this is why you should vote me the woman of the year

2009-08-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

MAAF gw harus tulis pake bahasa indonesia!

I just had the most embarrassing moment of the year.

Jadi tadi seharian gw lagii mood swing yg berunjung gw sakit, masuk angin dan badan anget.
Kurang bisa berpikir straight, gw cuma mo tidur. Setelah minum panadol, gw bobo selama 3 jam.

Jam 10 malem gw bangun, karena inget, ada kerjaan yg belom kelar. Gw pun aus, dan berasa badan gw panas banget. *plus uring2an menunggu kabar dia*

Buru2 dong gw keluar kamar nih ya. Nyampe2 luar kamar,mata sembab, ada kaka2nya cowonya sepupu gw, duduk nonton tv.

pakaian gw minim (baca: gak pake bawahan).
Gw yang lagi lemes, dan pusing, ga tau mesti ngapain.
Gw ga siap banget ketemu tamu. Gw pun ga nyangka orang2 rumah masih pada bangun.
Gw suka banget tidur dengan pakaian minim.

Bisa kebayang muka gw kyk apa?
Dengan bodohnya gw bilang, 'eh maaf, ga pake cel...'
dan langsung lari ke kamar, ganti baju.

gw tetep ambil minum, dan bikin susu. malu2 tapi gw tetep aus kan.

sebelom pulang, salah satu dari mereka bilang,
'eh, laen kali kalo gw mo dateng, gw pasti bilang kog.hehe'

gila malu banget gw. pengen loncat keluar jendela sekarang.

kenapa gw tulis disini? karena gw tidak keberatan menertawakan kebodohan gw :)

Between Socrates, Marriage, and Kids

2009-08-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

Lunch time, Jl. Sunda, my assistant editor (BS), reporter (WH), editorial secretary (SP), some interns (EL), and me (MZ).

One of us (SP) has just gotten married, so the others curiously asked, "How is it? Is marriage life that much different?"
And all she said was, "mm, yeah..I now have someone to go home to, you know"

Which then started our lunch time girl-talk that went pretty much like this :

WH : I don't want to get married. I mean, I want to have kids, but I don't want to have to deal with men in my older years.
BS : What do you mean? So, are you just going to adopt a kid and live alone?
WH : No, I want to have kids from someone I love, but I don't want to deal with all of the emotional conflicts of marriage, especially the cheating and mid-life crisis.
EL : But it's natural for a man to have great sexual desire. And they don't need to be in love to have sex. So he can still love you, though he sleeps with another woman.
BS : Yes, which is why I'm telling my boyfriend that if we get married one day, he can sleep with another woman, as long as he's not emotionally attached to her.

I frowned, thinking 'what kind of ideology is that? letting your husband sleep with another woman as long as he still 'loves' you? how can he love you if he can't even keep his di*k?'

she then continued..

BS : i prefer my husband to love me, but sleeping with another woman, than sleeping with me, but in love with another woman, cause it's 'mind-fucking'.

(Bradley Cooper looking & Scarlett Johansson's thighs in the movie He's Just Not That Into You)

WH : NO WAY, it's still intolerable.
MZ : Yeah, I would never tolerate that, ever in my life. Gosh, that'd be painful. Imagine your husband come home to you one day and tell you 'Sorry honey, I slept with another woman'. Would you be just like 'okay, as long as you don't have feelings for her' ?

BS : well, when I told my boyfriend, he said 'Nah, I wouldn't do that', cause he appreciates the fact that I allow him to do it.

MZ, WH, SP : right....

WH : Things can change...
MZ : yeah, that's why..

*awkward silence. everyone suddenly thought about what they want in life*

EL : well, anywayyyyyys...I still want to have kids

ALL : yeah me too... *sigh*

the chattering continued to the discussions about Kids, Socrates, and different religious beliefs (I know, we sound like some boring media chicks, haha)

Again, today, I learned how different people view crucial things in life from totally different angles.

What about you? Would you tolerate the classic 'boys will be boys' excuse? Or do you believe in a true love with uncompromising commitment and loyalty?

some in their 20's

2009-08-24T04:00:00.000-07:00

sorry for being so unproductive with this blog yet again. I've been really busy juggling my 4 jobs.

yes. 4.

I feel like I'm always working now, not that I hate it. I love working.
And it's totally amazing to just learn how to be emotionally balanced and descrete. yet still maintaining a good relationship with people you treasure, even the ones who did you wrong. *forgiveness 101 right there man*

Anyways, I was very shocked to find out that 2 of my relatives are getting married soon. and they're like 20 & 22 years old. can you believe it?

i just find it hard to digest the fact that someone my age is actually getting married, not because of pregnancy, but "love". gosh. what about your uni, career, and dreams? and they're getting married to guys they've only been dating for like 6 months or so.

it's not because my love life wasn't so smooth okay, haha, i'm not traumatized or bittered. but, this just creeps me out. i mean, you don't know a person just by being with him for 6 months. it's a day-to-day learning process. there's always something new to discover and to consider about in a person. I just don't get how they could jump into the conclusion of 'yes, this is the guy i wanna spend my life with' in such a short time.

But hey, whatever works for everyone right? I wish you girls all the best in life :)

my idea of the ultimate 20's life - yes, it's always media-related :P

On the other side of the world,

I was having coffee with this Spanish girl from Melbourne today. and she was telling me about how she's planning to go to Bolivia, Africa, and just about every corners of the world, to teach english for charity. And I was just so amazed of how this early-20 girl could have such a selfless and adventurous spirit.

Don't you think this is interesting?

Oh, I'm so googling some overseas internships, man. *why am I keep saying 'man' ?*

*but sure I have to remember that I have a 7 year-old to tutor every week, two magazines to edit every month, and a radio to supervise every 2 months. and a whole country to rule. haha. oh well.

some immature crap. hey i'm human

2009-08-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

a beach party i've been planning to go to since 2 months ago - sudden bad mood, canceled
a getaway daytrip to bandung - i was late, canceled
the last minute hangout i've always had with my peeps - no one was available

so this is how it feels to stay at home on a saturday night.
being not in the mood of socializing
with people you're not really comfortable with.
while people you're comfortable with, are out, somewhere, doing their own things.

a bottle of vodka, some sleeping pills, warm blanket, and probably a hug, please?

no marshanda, i don't wanna end up like you. i'm like, okay.

ex-child star gone wild

2009-08-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

poor girl. been an actress since she was like 8. give her a break people. haha

go marshanda. curse them all you like

Avril Lavigne 'Ex-Boyfriend' Cover - dedicated to her ex, Ben

Spice Girl 'Who Do You Think You Are' - dedicated to her SD friends

in need of earplugs.

2009-08-06T23:29:00.000-07:00

'you're an Australian graduate! you should be making more money than this!'
'you're a beginner. you shouldn't be so demanding'
'why bother editing their writings to make them look good if they don't pay you on time?'
'work and survive here a year, you could work at any magazine you like'
'you should do what you love'

***

there are so many voices around us.
the inevitable noises that would
confuse and trick us
telling us to fight
telling us to quit
telling us to change direction
telling us we're right
telling us we're wrong

the only thing left to do now is to stand on your ground
and keep doing what makes you feel alive.
regardless.

"I'm 32, Mr. Dunn, if I was thinking straight, I'd go back home, find a used trailer, buy a deep fryer and some oreos. The problem is, boxing is the only thing I ever felt good doing. That enough truth to suit you?"

(From the movie 'Million Dollar Baby', when Maggie Fitzgerald the woman boxer was asked, are u out of your mind?)

thoughts on the strip (-)

2009-07-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

Forgive me for being a bit too deep lately. I've been multi-directionally inspired. And I can't help but writing it here.

Have you ever noticed, that the only thing written on a tomb is full name and date of birth?
(e.g : John Smith, London, March 21, 1897 - June 25, 1950)

Your riches, the school you went to, noble prizes, who knows you, and whom you're married to, would not be permanently carved in your memorial.

Everything you've done your whole life, would only be summarized by that one little strip between the year you got here, and the year you depart from here.

So think about this, before you close your eyes and sleep tonight:
What do I want to be written about me on my tomb?

For me, this sounds like the ultimate meaningful purpose of life :
"On the day of my funeral, I'd like somebody to mention that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to give his life serving others. That I did try to feed the hungry. That I did try in my life to clothe all to a naked. That I tried to love and serve humanity. And all of the other shallow things will not matter"

-Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King Jr in 1968,the year he was assassinated.

There's gotta be more to life than this, don't you think?

Don't live just to get by.

This sentence was taken from his phenomenal speech 'I have A Dream'.
I am forever changed, Dr.

have your phones ready.

2009-07-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

we are hardcore complainers.
from the fact that restrooms at la codefin kemang have no toilet paper dispenser,
top shop dresses still cost 800 thousand rupiahs after jakarta great sale's further reduction,
someone with such a bad acting as manohara could get a hundred million-rupiahs-per-episode deal,
to our childhood upbringing, parents who were never there, expensive university fees, cheating boyfriends, and jw marriott bombings

-- we whine about them all.

like little babies who cry whenever their diapers get soggy
we manifest our discontent and boredom of what our life has brought us.
we take for granted the little things which are to be grateful for.
simply, because we set our eyes on the things we want or we think we should've had.

as I leaned against the austere white walls of the hospital
I watched how my friend, who drank brainwash and heineken with me last saturday
broke down and cried
for his dad has been in comma since this morning.
he's got blood all over his t-shirt
for carrying his dad who fell off the second floor. he stared blankly.

'he has always prepared my favorite breakfast, cheese toast and a cup of tea.
but i often rush to work and leave them cold on the table,' he said holding his tears,
regretting those any given mornings where he could've appreciated his dad a little bit more.

:'(

i grabbed my bag and searched for my red phone.
being thankful for the fact that i could still use it to text and call my parents
who have been striving to provide me with the best everything
even if it means to sacrifice their wants, egos, time, health, and life...

we have never been like the brady bunch or the cosbies, my family.
we only see each other once a month since I was 10.
and i'm too used of living alone that i'd likely to neglect them when they're visiting me.

not eating the cereal she prepared, drinking the vitamins she gave, nor reading the books he left on my bed. those little things i know i could've done, but i didn't want to.

whatever we have, whatever we've been through, whatever we'll go through, let us embrace life as it was, as it is, and as it will be, along with everyone in it.

text, call, ping, comment, buzz, nudge people who really treasure you, today.

je, mom, dad. the time,distance, career, and personal life shouldn't change me. sorry, if they have. i love you.

the devil wears supre *haha

2009-07-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

i am an editor. a literacy editor. i correct people's grammar and miss-spelling.
i mark out people's words that i think are unnecessary or 'inappropriate'.
i hurt the writers' ego by correcting their paragraphs and paraphrasing their quotes
just because my bosses trust my knowledge and experience

in one fine afternoon, this literacy bitch got an email
she had least expected.
the long electronic message was full with writings she was familiar with
because they turned out to be her own writings
for Sydney's highest circulating Free Asian lifestyle magazine July issue,
only with correction notes in bold red
criticizing her grammatical errors.

'who on earth would send me such correction notes
only a week after the magazine was published?
who is this bitch?', I frowned.

well, well, well. it turned out to be : a NEW contributor.
yes, someone who has only been a contributor in my Sydney magazine for like 3 months.
and you know what! i also found out that she actually emailed my boss
and proposed to be the new sub-editor
because she 'wanted to help with the magazine's literacy'
'don't take this the wrong way', she added.

'who does she think she is? merriam webster?' I bitched instantly.
'i'm a senior here. i ain't workin under her!'

ehe. *i usually work until 4 a.m, give me a break. i deserve a lil' bitchy moment*

anyways, before i went too far bitching about this newbie, this quote came to mind:
compliment weakens your muscles
rebuke trains them

a slap on my face this quote was.

why do i have to be so insecure about this?
i did make mistakes right? why can't i just take it like a grown up and face it?
thank her for the useful input and just do my best to pay more attention to details?

what's mine will be mine, anyways. i don't have to worry about my boss' trust, right?

so yeah, i text my big boss. apologized for my lack of attention to details. and thanked her for forwarding the newbie's email to me.

we'll see what happens next ;)

barbaric.

2009-07-06T05:32:00.000-07:00

ever felt like bashing skinny girls into pieces
shedding the blood of those with braces
tearing their ribs apart with one of the movie Saw's killing machines?

man, i thought of doing them thousand times in the past 3 weeks.
but...
it wouldn't change anything, would it?

in fact, my thousand words of curse and death spells would only show
how broken and fragile my heart is.

at the end of the day, i do realize that

it only takes breathing to get older.
but it takes sacrificing & denying yourself to be mature.
that includes forgiving and moving on.

so let it all be. argh.

cheated hearts gang bang

2009-07-01T03:15:00.000-07:00

since may, each one of us, one by one, got our love stories down the drain.
is it us, or is love overrated?

attention, ladies

2009-06-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

Alexa Chung
in British Vogue July'09 Ageless Style Issue
Just bought it yesterday

In the article 'It's a Boy Thing', she questions artists like Pussycat Dolls' integrity in portraying 'girl power' by showing off their cup size instead of their attitude, they dress as though to attract men, while they sing songs about how they don't need a man.

Living in the city where every girl looks the same: long hair, skinny, blackberry, cigarette, heels, dressing up to go to malls as though they're going to their cousin's wedding; talking with the same dialects; having the same interests of looking good and being 'exis',
I totally get what she's saying.

women of our generation needs an attitude and authenticity. like seriously.
we need to redefine what it means to be beautiful, loving, yet bold and smart at the same time.

not what it means to others. but to you.
what does it mean to be beautiful, to you and are you comfortable with it?

ramblings

2009-06-24T00:26:00.000-07:00

haven't been productive with this blog lately. been too occupied with so many different things

plus articles are coming endlessly. am thankful for that.
am planning to open a new bank account and start saving up for the future (read: Milan & NY trip)
amen to that hehe ;)

a new side project offer has just came recently, hopefully I could cope up with that too
and also dad's radio stuff. blah.

it's like the world is catching up on me now
it's like i've been gone somewhere for quite a while

am taking things nice and slow.

I'll post some philosophies or anything interesting soon, ayt ;) hope y'all been good out there

invoudeg*

2009-06-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

minty meets munt coat.
calvin klein dress.
linea schamp platforms.
pasar seni bali bangles.
captured by the markermotion for our portfolio.

*Dutch for simply stunning

cheesy, but i just feel like writing this down

2009-06-12T02:39:00.000-07:00

i won't say bad things about you
curse you, or even convince everyone that everything was your fault.
i don't regret what we had
cause it was real and beautiful as it was.

you taught me what it was to love and be loved
what it was to be a woman
to love unconditionally
to be tender, understanding, and calm
and to stand by her man through all circumstances
even the most painful ones

you made me believe in serious relationships
and attaching myself to a guy
emotionally, physically, mentally

and finally, you taught me to think about what's best for me
and make one of the hardest and most impossible decisions in my life
when it was necessary.

i'm glad that i've at least had the chance to take care of you
at the last days of this thing we called 'commitment'
built since 17 months ago.

no resentment. no anger. no revenge.

i wish you all the best in fulfilling your dream
be the man you were born to become
and finding another girl, who's more patient, more gentle, and more suitable for you.

"flames to dust, lovers to friends
all good things come to an end"

;)

gloomy weekend.

2009-06-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

had to meet up to keep us from crying. each with her own drama. all captured in black&white.

credits to andres and risty's camera. hope for the best weekend, prepare for the worst. blah ;)

ahh. overrated

2009-06-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

the highlight of Pussycat Dolls 'Doll Domination' concert for me was not the R&B sassy quintet (or quartet, since Jessica didn't show up that night)
but, the celebrities and socialites who showed up at the one hour musical act
and the news-hungry press who followed them around.

oh my gosh. it was like watching a puppet show.

henry, tya, meljie and I were standing on the sides of the entrance 'red carpet'
with our media partner id (thanks to nu:B magazine)
when we saw these people who came with leather pants, 3cm-thick-powdered face,
christian louboutin heels, and sequence dresses
walking, pretending they didn't want the journalists to ask them question
yet they posed and looked at the camera with the 'please ask me questions and make me feel famous' face. and the press were crazy to do so.

we couldn't help but to shake our heads and giggle

there has been a downgrading in journalism,media, and art industry during the last decade.
it's getting so bad that people are getting more and more desperate

nowadays, it's either you go all the way and produce excellent and high quality works (like Nia Dinata's movies and Efek Rumah Kaca's music) or you do the very crappy one (and I mean, very crappy) to get people to talk about you (like Dewi Perssik and Kuburan Band)

what makes it worse is the fact that media encourages this downgrading by exposing and promoting them!
they don't investigate or expose things that are worth it,relevant, and of value anymore.

check out this scene at an interview with Manohara Odelia Pinot recently:

I: Hey, Mano, so how many Hermes Birkin Bag do you have?
M: *thinking* Mmm...six or seven I think.
I: Wow, and is that Christian Louboutin you're wearing?
M: Mm...*looking at the brand's signature red soles she stood on* Yeah, it is.

And this was supposed to be an interview with a girl who's been sexually abused?
trust me, I watched it live on TV. the next question was 'where do you usually go shopping' gosh!

well the point is. i just think it's tragic that media is reporting,exposing,chasing, and encouraging the rise of this 'pembodohan informasi'. it's just overrated.

oh well ;) talking about being an idealist. haha.

not too cold, not too warm.

2009-06-01T00:29:00.000-07:00

it's easier to constantly make a big deal of your emotion and feelings
and forget about anything else that matters most

it's easier to use your emptiness
as an excuse to go astray
justifying the thoughts of lowering your standard
by saying 'i feel like it' or 'i just can't help it'

it never gets you anywhere.

feelings and emotions are shaky
they're vulnerable, unstable, and ever-changing
which makes relying on them hundred times more dangerous than you realize.

basing your life on how you feel
is selfish and moreover, damaging
to yourself, career, relationship, future, everything.

i've tried my hands on this in the past 3 months
and all i can say is: it's exhausting.

we are constantly overwhelmed with ever-changing feelings and emotions
it's very human, yet it's not an excuse.

make sure you keep your heart in balance. not too cold, not too warm.
just right enough to keep you going.

this feels good.

2009-05-26T02:35:00.000-07:00

the poem. my internet was down, so I called henry to help me re-type it and sent it to my editor. haha..
it's all good.

grab an issue will ya!

wish we've Met

2009-05-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

The Metropolitan Museum Of Art annual Costume Institute gala, known as 'the Met'
Hosted by Anna Wintour two weeks ago (May 4,2009) in NYC.
This year's theme : Tribute to Model as Muse.

I wonder how it feels to be sent to NY for 3 days to cover this event and got paid $4/word. Ahh..

anyways, among the attendees were...

Kate Hudson, Stella McCartney, Liv Tyler, Kate Bosworth (all in Stella McCartney)

Yes, it's Leighton "Blair" Meester in Louis Vuitton

Ashley Olsen in "The Row" (her own line)

Anna Wintour (editor-in-chief of Vogue US) in Chanel Haute Couture

Marc Jacobs and Kate Moss in Marc Jacobs, Moss wore Yves Saint Laurent pumps

Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake (I didn't recognize him in those glasses)
JB in Versace Atelier.

thirsty people

2009-05-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

we are all empty human, seeking for attention.
whether you realize it or not. you are constantly trying to draw others' attention
by what you wear, how you behave, your facebook status, even the way you laugh.

this everhaunting thirst of attention is constantly striving
to manifest itself in different ways
according to our circumstances, because of course,
it is our circumstance that our thirst is trying to appeal.

this is probably one of the first things you know by instinct from birth.
your mom didn't teach you to cry out loud to get her to change your diapers when you were a baby, right? you somehow knew, even as a little human, that you need to do something to get
your circumstance to notice you and fulfill your need.

the older you get, the more "creative" your way of seeking attention gets.

using blackberry when you're just 12 years old maybe, pretending to be a heavy smoker when you could barely stand the smell of tobacco, having eating disorders, constantly nagging your partner, having a dramatized emotional meltdown as though you were Martha Stewart or Britney Spears when you know your life is not that bad at all.

we are thirsty people.

desperate to be noticed, looked in the eye, and desired.
so fragile, so vulnerable.

pretenders.

we are thirsty people.
we need to wake up. and realize that nothing and no one
will be able to completely satisfy that crave for attention
that we all carry as a big neon sign on our foreheads.

philosophy di alberta ferretti bejeweled belt

2009-05-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

SS '09 hottest belt
ah love ferretti.

urgent need of a booty

2009-05-12T20:53:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months my family, lovers, and friends have been telling me to gain more weight. They said I look like an unhealthy, anorexic junkie without my old signature 'juicy booty' that they used to pat. *okay, that ain't sound right haha*
anyways, please compare these photos and leave comments. I sure love the size 2 dresses I fit in recently, but I think I kinda need my booty back.

47.5 kg me. i look somehow like a 25 year-old

58 kg me. i look absolutely 18 with those chubby cheeks.

hmm..2 more kilo's maybe?

#1 lesson for the 20's club newbie

2009-05-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

I've always loved the idea of giving.
The happy expression on the receiver's face is mainly the reason.
There's an unexplainable joy I feel whenever
I succeed making others happy by what I give, do, or say.
I think it's natural.

However, I do realize that it's also natural for us to expect others to treat us just as 'good' as we have treated them.
After all, we are only human.
We want to take, instead of giving most of the times.
And that's where we all start to demand our 'right'.
That's where we all say 'hey, how could you...I did this and that to you'
Oh well. We are only human. We're all immature.

4 days ago was a special day for me. As what I've always done in the past few years, I started
by praying.Then at 00.00, I would take a deep breath, smile, and say to myself 'here we go, another new round of life'. And that's usually when the phones start to ring, or sometimes, a few people would come to wish me a Happy Birthday in person.

Most importantly in this case, that's when my automatic 'Do-You-Care-about-Me' barometer is switched on. haha. oh it is natural, admit it, yours do too.

I've always managed to let others know that I care about them, esp. on their birthday.
Arranging unforgettable surprise parties if possible, making videos, simply calling them, or even buying presents just to make them feel special.
Not because I have too much money, in fact I don't. I just love to give.

But then again, that human aspect of all of us make all of us think and respond to it differently.

I guess the first lesson I learned in my 20th year of age :
The highest expression of love is to give without expecting

May I learn to give even more, and to expect even less.

I appreciate each one of your wishes. even the ones with just 4 words in my fb wall :)

R, J, and R, you guys made my day. Thank You.
and Mrs. F, your present is exactly what I've been praying for, Thank You.

it's long, i know. just read a long ;)

2009-05-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

i remember back when i turned 10.
i made quite a big deal of it cause i thought, "wow, I'll have a two-digit age!"
i was in year 5 at that time, chubby, long straight hair, and dark skinned.
very shy. very sweet. and very quiet.

my early 'two-digits' years turned out to be very tough.
i was an 'emo', shy, and just very cold-hearted girl. too proud to show my feelings.
too shy to let it all out. too afraid to make mistakes.
my mom even got me into a modeling school, so i could be more 'out going'.
i got into the agency, did only one fashion show and some castings, then quit coz i couldn't stand how they kept telling me to lose more weight when i've already lost quite a lot.

at the age of 17, I thankfully got a chance to work as a copywriter for a publishing company.
while girls my age were wearing 'Baju SMA', i was wearing heels, going to meetings with people twice my age, and all that. It was tough, I was 'forced' to be mature.

it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows.
so many struggles i've been through. i spent many nights not knowing what to do, feeling lost, and just wondering when is my struggle going to end.

but one thing I realize:
in order to survive, you have to grow
and in order to grow, you have to struggle

now, at 5 hours away from turning 20
i can say i'm quite content.
not because i'm certain about all things, coz i'm not.
not because i have everything i want, coz i don't.

but because i can feel it so strongly in my heart,
in my veins, and even in my bones
that i was born for something great. something different. something far beyond my expectation.
and i'm gonna get there
cause He who is in me is greater that he who is in the world
He will never forsake me. and I will never have to be afraid.

bring it on, life. I was born ready.

thx for all of your companies, prayers, chit chats, laughters, and even the tears.
may you all feel the same joy i'm feeling. i love you all :)

'let's stop. i just don't want it anymore'

2009-05-04T11:48:00.000-07:00

those 10 simple words suddenly turned roses into jasmines.
if only you could see it the way i do, mr.
i never want to feel it again.
it sucks and it stays. even days after.

and all you could say was 'oops. okay, i won't do it again. happy?'
'please try to understand. i'm too busy for this. talking about this bores me'

i don't know what to say , mr. just. do whatever you want.

stop whatever you do & think about this.

2009-05-03T02:54:00.000-07:00

everyone speaks about freedom like they know what it really is
we all say no to restrictions and law
but can we really handle freedom?

who are you when nobody's around?

are you really free?

dumspter diving? i'm in.

2009-05-01T00:52:00.000-07:00

"Don't you know what it means to be crazy?
Anyone who lives in her own world is crazy.
Including Einstein,Colombus, Edmund Hillary, and the Beatles.

I want to continue being crazy, living my life the way I dream it, and not the way other people want it to be.

People beyond these walls, they think they're normal because they all do the same thing."

- Zedka, a 35 year-old Slovenian woman who lived in a mental institution in Veronika Decides to Die

***

this 'mad' woman made a lot of sense to me.
and for that sake, I want to keep being crazy.

no

2009-04-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

i have one big problem :
i can hardly say no and always end up giving false hope
to opportunities & offers that come to me
as a result, i have too many things to juggle now, and i think i should make a cut.

may it be the right choice.

not this way though, haha

mm.. not quite. not that serious.

that's better.

fyuh. so long Bali.

two words for you

2009-04-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

Mitra Adi Perkasa (M.A.P) - the company that owns starbucks, zara, top shop, debenhams, and just about every store you could think of in every mall in the country, has proved that they care about their customers today at least by having technicians to check out a few different cctv cameras and invited me to have a look, since i lost my phone 3 days ago in zara plaza senayan.

i can't really tell who's the pickpocket, coz the images on the cctv are not strong enough to prove that anyone is to blame for this incident.

but i think these two people (girl in black dress and guy in white T-shirt) might have something to do with it (i was the girl in the white T-shirt & blue skirt in front) . coz when they passed me, my bag moved, and a dress fell from the hanger. it all happened so fast. well anyways, whoever took my phone. i have two words for you...

bless you.

first day.

2009-04-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

This is quite weird. I'm so nervous yet excited at the same time. I was 15 minutes late. but, since 'the book' hasn't arrived, i'm pretty much on time. It's a most-girl office, third floor chita kirana, harper'z bazaar covers all around, and i'm like this little girl with this white chiffon shirt and black zara pants & peep-toe wedges, sitting in front of a computer, and my heart beats a bit faster. ayyy..i get a bit self- conscious now, thinking about my hair and my outfit. the other girls seem pretty relaxed. maybe i just have to get used to it. everyone's busy, phones ringing, people talking about top models & high-end fashion brands that would be featured in the next issue.

i also saw a familiar face of sydney's gaul people walking around. wow, didn't know she's back for good and works here as well. haha. anyways..

i remain silent. throw some smiles at the girls. and just sit politely. checking my blog.

i'm used to being in a new environment. in 12 academic years, i was in 9 schools! haha. i was almost an 'anak baru' every end of summer holiday. so it shouldn't be a problem for me to get to know new people. yet, still..this is different.

i'm just thankful. happy. and feeling like I have to depend on Him like i have never been before.

wish me luck ayt ;)

dare me.

2009-04-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

i accepted the offer of being the 'editor in chief' of American Express Official Guide to Bali.
it's not really a good money, but it's a good experience to put on my CV.
i've never been an editor before, so it'll be quite challenging.

i have to do everything from scratch, and get the material printed in about 3 weeks from now.
mission impossible hey. but I've dared myself to do it.

i'll have to go to Bali for 5 days soon to report and interview people.

btw, Ms.M just called, I'm coming to 73 Lombok st on Monday to do some editing with them.
that means to have a look at "the Book" that is delivered to Miranda Priestly's place in Devil Wears Prada hahaha..

okay, no joke. i need to work freakin hard now.
oh, btw, have I mentioned that I'm turning 20 in 2 weeks? haha

MAJOR NEWS

2009-04-23T02:30:00.000-07:00

I'm turning 20 in two weeks

so what? u might ask.
so you won't forget to wish me a happy birthday and buy me presents. hahahaha.
being vain on thursday afternoon. starbucks plaza senayan. by myself. trying to write an article. blah.

You've Got Mail

2009-04-20T00:19:00.000-07:00

"I just need you to realise how important your job is and what a tremendous effect it will contribute if you're not careful. so, please be careful and meticulous so it won't happen again in the future, okay? =) "

-BS, assistant managing Editor of A

I just got home from my "side" project meeting (as the editor-in-chief -to be of the official American Express 'Guide to Bali' magazine). I was stuffed with a lot of confusion and doubts when I read this email from Ms. B, the assistant managing editor of A magazine. They happened to find a few 'inaccuracy' on my translations.
Ahh...darn it.. why do I have to make mistakes in my first week of working on my 'dream job'??!
Now I'm getting a little insecure and stressed.
We're talking about a high fashion magazine, I really need to be careful or they'd cut me off. Thousands of girls would want to replace me in 5 minutes.

Oh well, better work and pray harder. FOCUS NOW! WHOOZAH!

should we start from asl pls again ?

2009-04-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

things change. like it or not, they always do.

it's heartbreaking to watch it happens sometimes.

they say patience and 9-5 job would cure this gap we have.

would they really? do you still even know me now?

cause i feel like i'm losing it. you.

om...

2009-04-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

it's crazy how my weak flesh
could distract, shatter, and twist my focus
in just a split second
it could cause me to destroy everything i've build

i should probably do those meditation thingy
shutting my eyes, chanting

om...
jai guru deva om....

my essentials, one day, soon.

2009-04-15T02:05:00.000-07:00

1. Nars black mascara
2. Bobbi Brown shimmer brick compact
3. Starbucks' hot skim hazelnut latte
4. Nars rouge lipstick
5. Lorimclean Eiffel tower ring
6. Modcloth green chasing feather bangle
7. Harper's Bazaar UK latest issue
8. iPhone iSlider
9. Forever 21 faceted bead & chain necklace
10.McQ Tux Jumpsuit
11. Ray Ban wayfarer sunglasses
12. Hermes black birkin bag
13. Jimmy Choo corsica strappy sandals

Plus the American Express 'Black Card' to buy them all.

amen.

the call.

2009-04-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

D: hh..hh..morning *catching her breath after running on the treadmill*

M: good morning, may I speak to D?
D: yes, this is her.
M: hey, D, this is M calling from 73 Lombok st.
D: oh, hi Ms.M *omg, isn't she the editor?*
M: How are you? sorry for the late respond to your last job test
D: it's totally fine, Ma'am.
M: we actually like your writing, though we were hoping you could be more casual with some of the words. like instead of 'centre of the city' you could say 'down town', you know?
D: oh, got it Ma'am. yes, I think I could've been more casual, thank you.
M: anyways, are you busy with your contributing writing for the magazine in Sydney?
D: not at the moment, Ma'am.
M: awesome. I'll email you two articles for our June issue this afternoon. it would be great if you could get them done by tomorrow at this time.
D: ... *not really getting where the conversation was going*
M: oh, and this is not a job test. your fee would be based on how many pages you do
D: mm..okay Ma'am
M: we might sign you on a contract later on.
D: yes Ma'am

M: okay, that's all. thank you, D. have a good day.
D: you too, Ma'am.

all credits go to Jehovah Jirreh.
I can only say Thank You.

first time.

2009-04-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

okay, it might look like 'something else' but it's definitely my inked pinky :)
can't believe how much money and time people have sacrificed for this
hope my lil' pinky could make history

again and again

2009-04-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

is it just me or is it everybody's need to be comforted, calmed, loved, and reassured
instead of yelled at and blamed?

why i check my phone every 5 minutes

2009-04-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

published only in Italy, Germany, Singapore, and currently Indonesia.

social issues. politics. lifestyle for sophisticated women. and avant-garde fashion

the only English-based women magazine in Indonesia.

published by MRA media.

Jalan Lombok 73, Menteng, 3rd floor (along with Harper's Bazaar)

anytime, Ms. Miranti.

current anthem.

2009-04-03T23:37:00.000-07:00

If you don’t wanna be my best friend, then why am I still in your bed?
If you can’t stand the way I talk, then why am I still here?
If i don't give you anything why are you still hanging on?
If you can’t see I’m everything you’ll ever need
you must be out of your head

I don't know what planet you're on
But I wanna be on it

with you

what planet you're on by luciana ft. bodyrox

oakenfold. bone. fiesta. p double. us, geeks.

2009-04-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

paul oakenfold, spinning on 'miracle by fragma' & 'satisfaction by benny bennasi'

the geeks who captured o channel & lifestyle magazines' attentions
konichiwa btches.

what happened to your stockings?

2009-03-30T23:50:00.001-07:00

did she like tie-die it herself? argh..cute!

bunderan h.i's darkest hour

2009-03-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

in response to WWF's Earth Hour campaign
Jakarta switched most of her lights for one hour last nite.
the metropolitan sure looked different without the glam lighting on the weekend.
people gathered at bunderan trying to capture the moment.
and these were all I've got with my phone cam. ugh.

antrhopology lesson #184890

2009-03-28T18:20:00.000-07:00

case study : the egocentrics

Characteristic : arrogant, self-absorbed, always put themselves first in any circumstances
Dangerous mindset : apologizing/ admitting mistakes = weakness
Result #1: they won't apologize or admit any of their mistake for whatever reason
Result #2 : people around them got hurt, esp. the closest ones
What to do : prove-wrong their mindset by doing the opposite --> not afraid to apologize and admit your mistake which would show how much better it is to be humble rather than being arrogant and egocentric.

Caution : it's up to the person whether they want to change or not. you can't force it.
and for that reason, you have to really consider this --> if the person's heart is big enough to realize that he needs to change, and that he is willing to do so,the person is worth it. if he still holds on to his pride...(answer this yourself)

Quick fact : we all have that egocentric side in us. some people just have it in a way bigger portion than we do. and they don't know how to minimize it.

lesson learned.

romansick.

2009-03-26T02:34:00.000-07:00

you've gotten on my last nerve, mr.

my very last strength to stand up for us.

my rotten heart is getting too weak to take in

the chronic pain in my chest.

selfishness. impatience. they're killing me, mr.

i've gone from 'careless' & 'lack of attention'
to 'caring too much & nagging'

never enough, hey mr?

job, acitivity, money?

2009-03-19T00:12:00.001-07:00

moz : i need a job, dude.
h.g : a job, an activity, or the money?
moz : hmm...actually, i just need to fulfill my ever-living passion & dreams.
h.g : then do so.

-- do so?

talk on the microphone
to hundreds and thousands of people
on tv and radio?

write articles read by thousands?
make movies watched by millions?

i will! i will!

back in the island

2009-03-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

I'm back in the island y'all. The place where my last name is rooted, Ambon Manise.
i guess i'm getting away from all of the pressure in the big city.

relaxing, helping thousands of people along with my parents, and just being happy.

i'll get back to Jakarta for my late 14.14 celebration with r, gdemganjas arisan, job interviews, and oakenfeld's performance at segarra.

in the mean time, let me take a sip of the coconut juice with fried bananas company.

oh la la.

again, wisdom from dad

2009-03-09T20:55:00.000-07:00

Pernahkah dalam hidupmu, engkau menyuruh datang dini hari,
Atau fajar kau tunjukkan tempatnya?
Apakah engkau telah masuk sampai ke perbendaharaan salju,
atau melihat perbendaharaan hujan batu?
Siapakah yang menggali saluran bagi hujan deras,
dan jalan bagi kilat guruh?
Siapa dapat mencurahkan tempayan-tempayan langit?

Oleh perintahmu kah burung elang terbang,
mengembangkan sayapnya menuju selatan?
Atas permintaanmu kah rajawali terbang membumbung,
dan membuat sarangnya di tempat tertinggi?

Sebelum kamu cukup berhikmat untuk melakukan semua diatas,
Kamu nggak berhak memprotes Sang Pencipta.

-- Papa, during breakfast, reading the book of Job.

6 a.m revelation

2009-03-07T16:25:00.000-08:00

i woke up to a weird stomachache this morning.
the house was empty. everyone's gone to church.

the thought of last night's conversation popped.
my tears started bursting out.

just before the pity-partying went far
i heard a whisper in my ears
telling me that He looks right through me
that i am beautiful
and that i don't have to be good enough.

everything good that i have today -- none of them i deserve.
yet, i could call them mine this morning.

what a life you've given me, God. what a life.

thousand times i've failed, Your mercy remains
should i stumble again, still i'm caught in Your grace
everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
-- United, "Inside Out"

my new source of laughter - fml

2009-03-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

just when you feel like your life couldn't get any worse than this

read the stories at fuckmylife

trust me, there are so many less fortunate people out there. i mean really, they're hilariously fucked. hahahaha.

bazaar amica

2009-03-05T20:33:00.000-08:00

the idea of saying 'I'm working for Harper's Bazaar' or 'Amica' seems very cool.
i have a passion for writing.

i really want to write articles that matter. social issues, lifestyle, art & entertainment, and any other thing that could have an impact in people's life.

not articles that'd make women feel bad for not buying the $800 jimmy choo or christian louboutin.

i wanna give ideas & inspiration. something informative, educative, relevant, yet amusing.

let's hope they'd call for next interviews.

Life 101

2009-03-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

Dad : remember Joseph?

Me : mm...the dreamer who was sold to slavery by his brothers?

Dad : yeap. do you know what happened to him?

Me : he was enslaved for years

Dad : 12 years.

Me : wow.

Dad : he ended up being the king's adviser -with no money, status, family to hold on to, or any formal education- just because he was different. he held on to what he believed in when nobody did.

Me : hmm..(nodding)

Dad : you see, money and status would only get you so far. but faith and God's favor could take you to places you never thought you could.

Equation of Power

2009-03-01T21:35:00.000-08:00

Power = Responsibility

Responsibility = Maturity

Maturity = Selflessness + Discernment

Power should only be granted to those with Selflessness and Discernment.

***

teach me to be selfless like You.
teach me to choose right from wrong.

Typical Q&A

2009-02-25T01:07:00.000-08:00

Q : So what do you do now?

A : I'm currently doing some contributing writing for a free magazine in Sydney while looking for a job here

Q : but you're only 19. have you actually graduated from uni?

A : I've only graduated from a Diploma course. and yes, I'm 19, but I'll turn 20 in 2 months.

Q : Why didn't you continue your study in Sydney?

A : It's a long story. But I've made my choice.
thanks.

boom.

2009-02-20T21:18:00.000-08:00

i don't get mad easily.
i'm usually pretty patient. keeping my emotions inside. not letting others know of how i feel.

it's like a ticking time bomb.

when the time comes, BOOM!

i let it all out. every little thing i've been wanting, thinking, and willing to say.
everything i've ever thought of doing.

just burst out.

crazy?

.

2009-02-18T21:51:00.000-08:00

i feel like swallowing a bottle of
antidepressant and
sleep away the weariness and insecurities.

not knowing
when to wake up.

would I be cured?

e mo

2009-02-18T20:33:00.000-08:00

sick and tired of being sick and tired.

angry. numb. blur. sad. bored. vulnerable.

somebody shake me! I'm getting emo.

to my superman.

2009-02-16T07:07:00.000-08:00

"I just want you to know. No matter what happens, you are still the daughter I'm proud of.
No matter what people say, I believe you will be great someday."

Those beautiful words kept me alive
even when death seems like the easiest escape.
Forever you will be my number one hero, dad.
And for that reason, I'm praying to God to keep you here with me
as long as He could.

Get well soon, papa.

my kind of valentine

2009-02-14T10:31:00.000-08:00

I celebrated Valentine's Day this year with 2 bottles of corona, a bottle of chivas, a can of coke, a bowl of popcorn, and the 'ministry of sound clubbers guide summer 2008' playlist.

screw fine dining, roses, wine, and brian mcknight.
this is my kind of valentine.

Jessica Mauboy

2009-02-10T07:04:00.000-08:00

This half-Kupang, half-Aborigines singer is definitely
my favorite Aussy urban singer.

I interviewed her at an event in Sydney last year, and she seemed really down to earth.

Her new single 'Running Back' ft. Flo Rida got stuck in my head lately.

'But i can't move on
Cause that means forgetting everything we had
Instead i keep on running back'

"Running Back" - Jessica Mauboy ft. Flo Rida

I guess y'all know why this song is stuck in my head :P

what are we, mister?

2009-02-08T07:19:00.000-08:00

X says: (10:12:52 PM)
listen, deb. the first time he did it to you, shame on him.
X says: (10:13:01 PM)
the second time.. shame on you deb.

I want to believe that things can change for the better.

but look at this.

fighting over things that have passed.
accusing each other of being unfaithful.
doubting each other's love.
verbally abusing?

what are we now, mister?

hey mr.

2009-02-05T03:51:00.001-08:00

I need someone to love me
Not someone to fix me.
I am fine,mister.
Seriously.

valium can't cure this

2009-01-24T20:26:00.000-08:00

these past few weeks, I've been bombarded with words and actions
that pull my self-esteem to nearly its lowest point.
at the 3rd week of the new year, I can't believe I've spent so many nights crying.

call me a drama queen
but life is driving me insane lately.

I am not tough enough to hold my tears
these days, I admit.

That ever-haunting feeling of 'never been good enough'
Seems to be creeping inside of my veins
Corrupting my organs, tissues, and cells
Blinding me from the daylight.

valium can't cure this.
absinthe can't numb this.

staying positive and keeping my faith would probably do. *sigh*

missing.

2009-01-23T20:17:00.000-08:00

i missed sydney this morning.

and the never-ending laughter with the ganjas.
vera. jane. risty. wyna. chacha. debs. cella.forever this moment lives in our hearts.

Jan - Oct 2008

Labels & Masks

2009-01-15T00:50:00.000-08:00

“To label me a prodigal would be only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be”
- Rush of Fools

They say ‘the way we present ourselves
Determines how people would perceive us’
In conjunction to that, how people perceive us
Determines most things in our life:
Relationships, carrier, and even our future

From how we present ourselves,
People label us
From that label,
They generate ways to treat us

If people don’t like the way we present ourselves
Is it our fault?

Would they prefer us to present ourselves the way they like it
Which is not necessarily authentic and could be superficial
In order to look 'acceptable'

Or would they prefer us to present ourselves as it is
Not as it could be
As they expect it to be
Or as it should be

Would we then be labeled ‘good enough’ and get chances to excel?

If everything is determined by masks that I should put on.

I don’t think I could cope up.

meet moza

2009-01-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

i have opened a new fb especially made to keep in touch with people who really matter to me

meet Moza Denina

if you think you know me. message me ok.

so long, facebook

2009-01-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

'akhirnya..waktu membuktikan, cucuku yang katanya binal..
debora..anaknya chris dan yoty yang katanya steril..kelakuannya liar dan tersebar di internet'

sebuah penghinaan yang menusuk tajam hati gw.

hari ini.. orang tua gw cuma bisa diem
nerima penghinaan orang laen
yang adalah keluarga besarnya sendiri.

gw udah ga tau mesti ngmg apa.

gw emang pernah
nakal ato apalah kata lo.

terserah. gw ga tau mesti block sapa aja. karena orang2 yg tak disangka pun stalk gwe.

mulai hari ini. debora christy manusama sudah dihapus. thx

what i learned today

2009-01-07T10:01:00.000-08:00

find out what you're good at

and do it like nobody else does it

do not hasten to throw up the bitter
for it might be an antidote
do not hasten to swallow the sweet
for it might be a poison

waiting room.

2009-01-05T19:10:00.000-08:00

oh how much do we all hate it, when someone says 'please wait here for a moment'
waiting rooms are usually made of four surrounding walls
with a few chairs and nothing else

probably a water dispenser and a tv
but the most important thing in the waiting room
is the clock. that reminds u and tells u
how long have u been waiting.

regardless of what the clock is telling us
we have to let others come first
embrace that unpleasant vibe of being 'left hanging uncertainly'
wait patiently though we might have an urgent need
and let the waiting takes our time and energy

on the 6th day of the year
it's the room where I'm at.

all i want is to hear my name called.

question marks

2008-12-30T08:32:00.000-08:00

in just a few hours, a whole new year is coming.

wishes. dreams. memories. regrets. and gratitude overwhelm mankind.

i personally am more overwhelmed by questions.

questions of whether i should stay, or go.

of whether am i making the right choices, or not.

of what's the whole journey gonna be like for the next 12 months.

question marks. i've always ended up my years with questions marks.

but, hey.

at least i still got the chance to not end it with a period, right?

everything by Lifehouse

2008-07-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything

--a beautiful song that left me with no choice but to cry and thank God for grace.

the worst class ever

2008-05-15T18:22:00.001-07:00

"This class is the worst class anyone has ever taught"

--Mike Minehan told me & Aditi as soon as we got to class..30 minutes late, Aditi handing her essay which was due the week before. The class was empty, we were the first ones who turned up. Marielle, Steph, and JY arrived a few minutes after..Minehan looked a bit tired that day.

He told me that our class has been the worst class by far. We're the laziest, tardiest, and most unmotivated class anyone has ever taught. He told us that the communication department of insearch held a meeting to talk about a new system, because of our class. Woowwww..

were we that bad, people?

I didn't know we were..I didn't know that we were so bad that we contribute to the change of the whole system in insearch' communication department. it's not a very good feeling to have ur lecturer telling you that.

I think we're creative, I think we're different, even though we're only a few.. but! we're lazy, I admit that. we could hardly show up on time for classes, we hand in our assignment late, etc.

but, I think it's juz quite rude to tell us that we're the worst class anyone has ever taught, I'm sure some teachers still love us hehee..

what do u guys think?

Where is my red-heart shaped balloon?

2008-05-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

I know. The title is quite too 'cutesy' and cheesy, but hey! it's the title of my short film project that I'm going to shoot tomorrow..aaarghh.. I am sooo excited! yet nervous at the same time...anyways..here's the synopsis that I've written for the proposal

"An innocent young girl is searching for love. She is on a mission to find a guy with a red heart-shaped balloon. She searches around the crowded city to find him. A few guys appeared but they eventually disappeared. At the end of the day, the girl gets tired, hopeless, desperate, and is ready to go home. Suddenly, a red, heart shaped balloon appears from across the street. Is it only her illusion? Or has she really found her red, heart-shaped balloon?"

hehe.. this movie metaphors love as a Red heart-shaped balloon.. it will be only about 5 minutes, with no dialogue. I really want to make this film good, soo.. support me please, people! leave comments, tell me what u think about the movie, etc. mwah mwahh!

take me drunk, I'm home.

2008-04-21T03:27:00.000-07:00

Pardon me, for loosing my cool

I've come to a conclusion

That nonchalance is only an illusion

Embraced only by a fool

We cannot ignore this

Something must be done

If you want to further this

then I guess you better be gone

I am a mess, yes, a beautiful mess

Gonna say it out loud

I am a disaster, yes, a beautiful disaster

But I'm going to make you proud

Now, what are you waiting for?

Take me drunk

I'm home

Ataraxia - a blissful mental "disorder"

2008-03-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

The first time I heard of this unfamiliar word was when I watched one of my favorite movies, Lucky Number Slevin. It’s a movie about a guy who takes revenge over the murder of his both parents to the two multi-billionaire New York mafias.

Minutes before his mission was executed, his girlfriend asked “How come you’re so calm about all this? You’re dealing with New York’s two most powerful mafias!”

And the guy responded, “I have ataraxia”

For a moment, I thought it was some kind of an eating disorder like anorexia. But then the guy explained, “It’s a tendency to not take things too seriously.”

According to wikipedia, Ataraxia is the Greek term for ‘freedom from worries’. It is a philosophy founded by Epicurus, a Stoic philosopher who’s known for his philosophy of pleasure. He was the one who defined ‘great pleasure’ as ‘Hedon.’-the word that now we use to call the people who live to party and have fun.

Anyway.......

Remembering my most favorite ataraxic guy, Slevin Kelevra (Josh Harnett, in the movie Lucky Number Slevin), I think the ataraxic people perform these similar symptoms :

Not taking things too seriously. Avoid complexity. And always think they can handle anything.
Complexity is one of the major things that they avoid in life. They cherish simplicity more than anything else.

Hmm…

“Ignorance is the assassination of soul”, my teacher once said.

but then again, "Ignorance IS bliss" ;P

Cheese!!!!

2008-03-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

an entry finally! hahaa... I almost forgot that I have a blog here, until I realise I have a morning class tomorrow! oh, well. welcome to mozarella's blog. owh, don't worry, it won't be just talking about the cheese..hehe. just read along, enjoy, smile and don't forget to say...

"cheese!"